she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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