I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
