Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
