These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
