He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
