I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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