so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
