Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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