Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
