You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
