Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
