I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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