Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
