you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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