Where is the hickey?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
