you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
