Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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