Will you blow on my dice?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize