My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
