Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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