My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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