Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
