Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
