So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
