I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
