If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
