No awkward lesbian experiences without me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
