Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
