Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i think i have two assholes
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
