so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My vagina just recognized that song.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
