remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Ladies don't puke and tell
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
