I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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