Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
