Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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