I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
