these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
