The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
