You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she told me i tasted like america
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize