it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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