You made me cry and you don't even care
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
