did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
