Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
