He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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