I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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