Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
