brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
