if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just found puke in my bra..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize