found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
