Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
