Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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