The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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