Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
