I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
