fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
