Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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