I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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