Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
