I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
