Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
