omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
