Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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