Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
