somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
