I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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