Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
