Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
