Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize