Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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