i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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