I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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