To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
