even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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