Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
