then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
