I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
